Chapter One Unedited

Chapter 1
“MILES?”
Only 8:04 in the morning and she’s already screaming. “Ya, Mom im up!” I needed to isolate her sound so I grabbed my iPod laying three feet to the left of me. “Come on, Load, Load...” Beat drops; I do all I can to find a piece of crumbled up paper and a pen. “Sigh,” My mind is blank, I can’t figure out if it’s because I just woke up, or because of what today is. I wanted to make my mark. “Cold Shoulder” I wrote on the top of the page.
I got my headphones on and im walkin through the mist/ Seein all these people, an not givin a ish/ Everyone’s got me marked as someone whose not worthy/ But when me and God was talkin’ he told me that he heard me/ He knows my struggles and that’s all that matters/ So to him, ill be his messenger, for everyone else, im casper/
“BOOM BOOM BOOM, Miles Get your ass up right now, come down stairs and eat.” I couldn’t blame my mom for always caring, She tried. Even though it was only me and her at home now, we still struggled; we struggle more now than we did back then. Its so cliché now for kids to grow up without one of their parents, but I think my stories different. When my mom took us out of the Brooklyn and moved us here I didn’t know what to expect. I was scared, I was mad, but I was happy to be away from what we were running from. My pops is still around, he calls (I ignore). My older brother and I are the same way. Baby sis loves him, mom keeps it casual, I mean they were in love at a time. I try not to think about my dad much because he was my best friend and my first heart break. I remember being a little kid and him takin me to Coney Island to meet up with his different girlfriends. Never knew what it meant, but I knew it wasn’t right. If its one thing I know that I feel its guilt. Maybe moms and dad wouldn’t have been so bad, if they didn’t have us kids. Maybe it would’ve worked out. Maybe she’d be okay.
I didn’t really have much of a wardrobe but every time I left my house I made sure I was looking right. Kept it real with a nice pair of Nike Big Nikes or something along those lines. My sister was a shoe saleswoman so you know I had the hook up. She was a year younger than me in age, but 10 years older in maturity. I looked up to her more than anyone in my family. When we were little we couldn’t wait to grow up with each other. We were best friends always. We fought more than most siblings I think and it got more violent but hell with our past, I guess that’s how you show the love. My brother was a whole different story. Back in Brooklyn, I remember watching him sit up all night doing homework and actually enjoying it because he knew he could wake up in the morning and do what he really loved. That’s ball. And to me, I still think hes the greatest player alive. I have dreams of myself on tour and him right there and us always playin 1 on 1 for five dolla’s. I always am getting my ass kicked. He can’t body me though. I don’t know where he slipped but he hasn’t been able to get back up since. It’s hard nursing the heart ache hes going through.
As I put on my shoes and walk out of my room, I look around feeling today is going to be the beginning to everything I’ve been waiting for. Backpack on my back, joint in my hand, HIPHOP in my ears, and my heart on my sleeves.


The one thing I loved about music is that when everything else lets you down its always there. I don’t know how many times other things have turned its back on me and all I had was a song to tell me “it’ll be alright yo.” I didn’t hate on any type of genre’s because not only one type of group knows pain. The different types of music I listen to, the different types of stories I hear.
Waiting for the bus I decided to spark up my joint and turn on a beat just so I could have something in my ears to vibe too. I know that tonight’s performance was counting on me to be at the top of my game so I did what I do best to get my brain energy going. Its not that I have been smoking for long, its just that once I started, it made me feel like the person who I thought I should have been all along. I took my first hit and I have been hooked since. I hear the term stoner at least ten times a day but little do people know I treat this stuff like it’s the love of my life. I wouldn’t burden it on kids or anything like that or suggest it to anyone who couldn’t handle it but its definitely not as bad as people make it seem.
While the next song loaded I started thinking of little rhymes in my head to pass time.
I remember bein a kid waitin’ for free lunch/ now imma man takin a hit from weed blunts/goin straight to the face I inhale the green/ kuz you know it makes you feel good about everything/ whether you havin a bad day theres no need to stress/ you could take it to get up, or when you rest/ and when the cops come put it under your vest/ and if you got a girl under her breast/…

“hahahahhhahah,” I heard coming behind me. The beat was so loud I didn’t realize that someone else was at the stop. I turned down the music to hear the end of what the kid told me.
“THAT WAS DOPE.” I took out my left headphone trying to act all cool like and said thanks, not knowing if he was talking to me.
“Did you just come up with that or is it written down?”
Nah man, I told him. It was off the top, you liked it or what?
“Hell yah, whats your name playa?”
Miles, you?
“Eric man, nice to meet you. So you rap or what, you got a cd or anything?”
“Not right now im just starting it all man. I got my first show tonight if you don’t have plans.” I didn’t expect to get any publicity for the show tonight other than close friends and family. I don’t know why but I took the opportunity to tell him about it.
“dang for real? I was looking for something to do tonight. Is it cheap?”
“Yeah bro, its free. I aint Jay Z or nothing I don’t be charging.” We both laughed because in that moment we understood how broke each other were standing together waiting for the bus.
“oh legit man. If I find a ride ill definitely roll through. Do you got a cell so you can text me directions later?”
“for sure I told him.” I saved his number in my phone as #1 fan, and we continued to get to know each other.
“where are you goin right now?” he asked.
“To school,” I told him. I was on my way to English and Philosophy at the university so that’s why I was practicing at the stop.
My bus pulled up so I hopped on and Eric stayed to wait for his we said our good byes and went our separate ways.
when I got out of class I had a text from my mom telling me she was working late so id have to fend for myself for dinner tonight and that she’d try her best to make it to the show. I don’t think she really understood how much this music really meant to me, then again I don’t think anyone does. I don’t think anyone can express the things I do over a track. Im not cocky, im just special and I got a good guide.
on the way home I stopped at burger king to get some chicken fries with a fruit punch and that zesty sauce. hit the spot it was about three P.M. and J was coming to pick me up from my place at about six thirty so we could get there a little early and do some sound checks. I don’t know how I became the protégé of someone with as much talent as J but I never took it or him for granted. When he told me to change something I changed it. When he was impressed, he made me impressed with myself. That’s love and family and I cant wait to start life with him as my biggest fan and mentor. Just like in every heroes story though you know the student surpasses the teacher but id do anything to be just like him.
To me he was my biggest competition because he is the person who knows my potential and takes me seriously as an artist right now. He knows my struggle and what I got to say and how it can help people so im happy we ran into each other in high school. I remember being a little freshmen and he was a senior we somehow got landed into a class together and he would always put me on the spot to freestyle but I never wanted too. I just wanted to watch and learn. I watched him and his style adapted my own from that and now we are unstoppable. We stay up late every night just talking about how much we are dreaming about changing music, changing our lives, telling the haters to fuck off. I believe in us.
My phone started ringing and it was Eric.
“hey man whats up”
“nothing man just calling to tell you that im gonna come thru tonight and I wanted to know what time I should be there.”
“oh hell ya bro, I go on at about 8:30 - 9:00 give or take but id get there at about 8 cause regardless its going to be a dope show.”
“yeah I feel you, is there any age restrictions on it cause im going to come with my little sister and shes just shy of 18.”
“No I don’t think so, I know that I don’t have any explicit lyrics and neither does my boy so I don’t see why there would be a problem.”
“okay okay cool, ill hit you up when im outside of the building is that okay?”
“yeah I may be doing sound check but regardless ill see you at the show and get back to you cause I want to know what you think.”
“for sure bro, well kill it, all eyes on you tonight.”
I laughed “thanks for that man way to get my nerves boiled. ill see you tonight. One love.”
“peace out Miles, do it up.”


“Im outside.” The text from J said.
“Hold on im just puttin all my stuff in my backpack. Give me five tops.” Rushing around looking frantically for everything I needed I grabbed my I pod, zig zag’s, lighter, wallet, and peace piece. Took one more look in the mirror and thanked God for everything he has given me. I kissed my hand and raised it above my head to symbolize my love for him. As I lifted my head up a tear slowly rolled down my face as his sign showing me he was right there with me.
Interrupted by a honk, I grabbed a half eighth of some banana kush I had lying around and my grinder and booked it out the door. I hopped in the front seat of J’s Jeep and he proceeded to hound me for my lateness.
“Bout time man, Damn.”
“My bad yo, I was prayin’ you know me.”
“I got you, I got you. You nervous? This is it, your show, I’m right there with you.”
“Nah man we got this. Don’t mind me though, Im gonna roll up this blunt.”
To quickly get off the topic of my nerves I told him that I didn’t have time to do it at home. J didn’t mind that I smoked, he just didn’t do it at all himself. Its cool and it didn’t bother me but would I ever be honored if him and I sparked one and shared thoughts. It wasn’t a long drive into the city but the culture definitely changes within those 20 miles. You can go from seeing one black person every 30 blocks to one on every corner. It reminded me of home. It reminded me of comfort. I embraced all of the people around me but if there is one thing I know about hip hop music its black people know how to get down to it and when other races see how much passion we put into it they cant help but want to join in.
It wasn’t a long drive to the venue so we were there within 20 mins. Running late to the showcase we didn’t have time to do a sound check so before I stepped inside I went around the corner to take a few hits of the blunt I rolled. I looked at my cell and it read 7:30 P.M. and there was no sign of Erik or my mom anywhere. After only a few puffs I killed the L and placed it back into my backpack. After all it was more for after the set than before. Something about performing high just threw me off my game and without the sound check I know that I gotta come correct.
I stepped inside of the club and checked in with the show manager. He told me that I go on at 8:25 and that I have a twenty min set. I was one of thirteen other local emcees wanting to show off there talents in front of a small crowd. I found J when I walked into the main area next to a back wall near the bar. We ordered two bud lights and checked out our competition.
“what you think about them so far?” I asked J.
“I don’t like it at all man, you?”
“Its hurtin my ears bro.” We both laughed and took a sip of our beer. I heard a faint voice say my name coming from the entrance area just loud enough to catch over the loud beat playing in the background. I looked over and saw Erik and waved him over. A couple steps behind him was his little sister he had intended on bringing. With the low lights at the back of the club it was hard to catch a full glimpse of their faces from a distance so I walked into their direction and met under a rotating back-stage light.
“Hey man, whats up!”
“Nothing at all man, glad you could make it.”
“No problem. No problem man. I want you to meet my sister Sophie, its all her, I had to beg her to drive me so you better impress her tonight.”
I looked to Eric’s left and introduced myself to this five foot six inch dark curly haired girl.
“Hey, Im miles, I just want to thank you for coming. I know we don’t know each other but it means a lot.”
“I love hip hop,” she says. “So do me a favor and just kill it out there. For me.”
I couldn’t help but smile and continued to take them to meet J.


“Yo, J This is the dude I was telling you about,” I mouthed in his direction. “Eric this is the guy who got me into all this music stuff. Hopefully you will be able to relate to our story with one of your friends through the music, because without him, none of us would be here”
“DAMN, respect then, nice to meet you. This is my sister Sophie. She’s a lot younger than you I’m assuming but loves hip hop just as much as the next guy.”
“Hey, nice to meet you both,” J replied humbly.
“She dances over at a hip hop studio downtown.” Before Eric could finish talking up his sister she stopped him at the perfect time. I looked over as the stage light hit her face and saw a quaint smile with rosey red cheeks. You could tell she was blushing and that those two had a lot of love for each other. They reminded me of my sister and I and the bond that we shared. Not having any family at the show really hit my heart in that moment. After all that we been through together when one succeeds the other should want to be right there by their side. That pill was hard to swallow.
J saw in my eyes that something was starting to get to me and he sparked up a conversation with Eric.
“So what do you guys think of the music so far?”
“This shit is loud and annoying,” Eric replied.
“Ay, man,” he said pointed in my direction. “I thought you told me to get here early because this was going to be a good show and that the acts before were decent.”
After taking a sip from my bud light l laughed and told him, “No I promised you I would put on a good show and besides what would you be doing if you werent here? Bugging your sister to take you somewhere else im guessing.”
Sophie laughed and gave her brother a playful nudge like I had hit the hammer on the nail.
“haha really funny guy. you two should take your little comedic act on the road.”
“NEXT UP TO THE STAGE I NEED MILES.”
Interrupted by the voice over the loud speaker Eric and Sophie wished us luck and J and I made our way to the stage. Time went by so fast. Im glad I had them to keep my mind off the clock. Working the room was something we discussed days before the show so on our way up we shook hands of strange people we didn’t know, just to get their attention. One of the legends of hip hop said it best but since ill never do this alone, All Eyes On Us.
The plan was for me to do three songs and talk to the crowd a little. After all not very many people were there so I wanted to take the time to get to know the ones who actually did come out. The three songs we had prepared were more of my solo tracks. we are both solo artists J is just here helping me out. You always see that extra guy on stage for the emcee’s. We’re that for each other.
I started the show off with one of my more party uptempo songs called “Believe.” I wanted to get on everyone’s good side in the building including all the other performers. There is nothing more uplifting than a stranger telling you that you are great at what you do. It was the first song that I wrote that made me want to be everything that I am.
followed this voice into the dark it told me to hold on,
even when the world is dry and all the golds gone.
ill bring you to your dreams and they will help prolong
all of the pain in your life that’s goin on..
As the beat slowed I heard a couple cheers from the back. I knew right away it was Eric being loud enough for two people and his sister standing right beside him just as embarrassed as before. I took the quiet time to introduce myself and J to the crowd and to tell them a little bit about ourselves and what we are all about.
“If its one thing that fuels me Its Love,” I said.
The next song started and I made sure to tell all the couples in there to grab the one they love by the hand extra hard because it will make them feel as if life doesn’t matter just that connection that they have with each other.
I don’t need cupids arrow to aim at my heart, I just need a love that is willing to start, cause if there ever comes a day that we will be apart, I want you to know that im fueled by love.
Ill get to you with my love.
A few more claps after that one from all the ladies that were present, even Soph. Eric was no longer the lone listener.
I told the crowd that I had time for one more song and if they could to open their ears a little because this song was about a superhero but the type of super hero that they could all relate too. I asked everyone who wanted to have a good time for five more mins to move up closer towards the stage. Eric didn’t hesitate grabbing his sister by the arm and proceeding to make a loud rush to the front trying to convince everyone in his way they should do the same.
“ Ay yo, shout out to my man workin his way to the front with the pretty girl on his side. Thanks for getting these folks to show me love, its cause of people like you everybody on this stage is here tonight.” I wanted to make Eric feel a little good inside so saying that into the microphone was something I know that not only he would be happy about but God as well.
“Sound, can I get that beat.”
Verse1
I once knew this boy whose mission was to save the world
He wasn’t like the other guys who got caught up in girls
sat in the back row of all of his classes
as you could often catch him daydreaming of his passion
teachers didn’t stop him because they already knew
That he had a heart that was all pure and true
A lot of people thought he wasn’t from this planet
Others said it was a gift from god he was granted
But I knew the boy, we was real close
He told me all his secrets like what he loves most.
He often took my mind to a far better place
Where there was no drugs, crime, or race
and I know for some that may be hard to believe
if you gave this boy your ears you will see all that ive seen
he will take you to a place that your mind doesn’t know
and it will be the best thing you’ve felt if your mind doesn’t blow.

“There’s a super hero in all of us so let them shine out. Come out from behind your walls and then you’ll find out, that’s lifes about living and making it your best. You may not know it now, but theirs an S on your chest.”
Verse2
I got to gorw up with this boy he showed me all of his dreams
it felt like a comic and I was a sidekick on his team
cause people all over the world listened to what he said
sooner rather than later knowledge filled their head
one by one this boy changed the world
he would help all! men, women, boys and girls
cause he could take one heart and make it feel complete
often by listening to his voice with a beat
I knew the secret about him that no one else knew
cause for his whole life he thought this feeling wasn’t true
he knew that there was one thing he couldn’t possibly feel
but he NEVER questioned if the feeling was real
He could just tell his heart was more advanced
So everyday he’d pray to god for him to give love a chance
God must have heard his prayers cause when she walked through
he looked up to the sky and said thank god for you.

As my time on stage expired J took over the last hook for me seeing as I was close to being out of breathe. I caught eyes with Sophie and for a second I felt as if my own music was trying to tell me something I had yet to know. I think in that moment she had the same sort of idea because she had her hands pressed firmly to her heart.

Thanking the venue as we walked off stage, I could see the excitement on Eric’s face. It was like he felt honored to know me and yet again I have left someone else impressed. It made me feel good inside walking up to him and giving him a dap. More of me was focused on the nerves that built up when it came to looking at Sophie again. Something about her caramel brown eyes had me in wonder wanting to know more about who she and her brother are. Why God placed them in my life. I was always the type of person to jump the gun when it came to judging people. Not in any way negative I don’t feel but I ask myself how can they help me or how can I help them? Besides I believe the good people are worth being helped. I know nothing about these two but already I feel a connection with them that has been missing my whole life.
(add dialogue?)
As a group we decided not to stay for the other acts and just go our separate ways. I told J that I wanted to hang out with Soph and Eric and seeing as them coming to see me was their plans I joined in on the carpool ride home. As we left the venue a man who looked to be part of the staff pulled me aside.
“Hey youre Miles right?”
“yessir, is there anything I can help you with?”
“No, No, I just wanted to tell you something kid. This music stuff is hard. I’ve seen a lot of acts come through here big and small and right now I know you may not be in any place to do this fulltime but stick with it. You and your boy have what it takes and I do not want to see you give up.”
By this point you could tell that all the weight was lifted off my shoulders. Just hearing those words from someone who is involved with music on an everyday bases put my mind in a whole different place. I wanted to interrupt him and just shake his hand but I let him finish talking.
“You may not think that you have many fans out there but I promise you ever show you do you will leave with more people impressed with you and your words. So many people today are trying to be something else and just by seeing you on stage I can tell that you were 100% yourself. STICK WITH THAT AND YOU WILL SHINE.”
“Thank you sir, I really appreciate that. I do this because it makes me who I am. You don’t know how long I have been needing to hear something like that. This process can last a lifetime and im just getting my feet wet.”
“I feel you youngin’. You were hands down the best act tonight. Go home and sleep on that. I hope to see you here again. Don’t blow up too soon.”
Thanking the older gentlemen I walked back to Eric and Sophie. They asked me what that man wanted and I smiled and told them I gained a fan.
“Two.” Sophie said, “you gained two fans.”
Walking out the door we caught ourselves in a respectable amount of rain. We decided to put a little pep in our step and jogged half a block to Sophie’s SUV. Not wanting to drive in the rain she gave her keys to her brother. I was curious to know why she had a car and he didn’t but I was more focused on the blunt in my backpack. after all it has been about six hours since I had a good smoke session.
“Hey I don’t mean to be impolite but do you mind if I light this up?”
trying to convince the two of them that they should join in eric didn’t think twice about taking the blunt from my hand.
“Soph, you wanna hit this?,” he asked.
“I’ll take one or two,” she said.
Just as surprised as me eric passed her the blunt and she proceeded to do so.
“I don’t usually` smoke so this will do me good guys don’t laugh at how stupid I get.”
She waited till she stopped coughing and turned around and handed me the L.
“sorry,” she giggled. “That’s all ill need.”
The night was young so the three of us decided to get into some trouble. Eric and I drove around to finish the blunt and man was it needed. Everything around me began to calm all my nerves and I got to take in everything that I just went through. My first live performance. I was more than excited. I was living out my dreams. Things that I saw five, six, seven years ago with J. He was right there with me and I know we will have a lot to talk about after this.
“We have to get out of the car,” I told them. “I cant stand listening to the radio anymore. Its bringing down my high!”
Eric and Sophie laughed and asked me what I wanted to do. With no solid ideas we decided to just wander around the new wal mart. After all it was open 24 hours a day and could call for a good time seeing as we are all back to our childish ways. I needed to grab a few things for my mom so I figured id save her the trip. WHen we got there we headed straight to the food section. I grabbed a bag of chips, a frozen pizza, and a 10 pack of gatorade. Sophie had in her hands on a bag of candy and some water to help with the cotton mouth she was facing.
“Gosh how do you guys deal with this stuff”
“It goes after the 10th or 11th time smoking,” I told her.
“Yeah rookie.” If Eric didn’t chime in at that point I sort of would have forgotten he was there. The high state I was facing was more focused on actually seeing sophie in adequate light. I felt bad for paying so much attention to his sister I didn’t want to make it obvious.
“ay yo eric, lets head over to the music section see if they got anything good in stock.”
“Good ol wal mart comin’ thru in the clutch!” he said.
Sophie replied coming from behind us “Yeah now you wont have to listen to my boring radio.”
I turned around and smiled as we made our way to the entertainment section. Chuckling down every isle we went we started grabbing the attention of the nearby overnight attendants.
“ERIC be quiet,” sophie giggled.
I raised my head up from a deep laugh to see a woman standing in front of me that reminded me of someone I knew. From a far I thought it was my own mom and started to smile when I recognized her. As we got closer the mysterious figure noticed me coming its way and went around the corner. By the time my mind put two and two together I was so in shock to have seen what I saw. I immediately tried to make myself not as high as I was and just tried to think for a second. It was one of those situations were you hear that saying “every black person in their community knows each other.” If this woman wasn’t my mom then who was she. I started thinking of all the kids moms I met and when I put the whole situation in perspective it made sense to me.
“Fuck,” I thought to myself. “This cant be.” Why is she working here? Times were really hard for a lot of people out there. I knew my family was one but I never thought things would have to come to this. I saw her breaking up a box like she worked here. I got out my phone and sent J a text message telling him that I loved him and that I had his back no matter what. Inside I was crying for him and his family and yelling at god for making her go through this. It must’ve been embarrassing for her to see me there like that. I had no idea how much of a sticky situation his family was in with money but seeing her made me want to help. Seeing her made me want to get the hell out of there.
“Do you guys mind if I crash at your place tonight?” it was pretty late as is and my mom hates when I walk through the door at all times of night. I figured I should just stay out and chance my luck in the morning. I was almost 22 years old but sometimes I swear she treated me like I was still ten. when it came time to taking care of myself in her eyes I was always fifty. Even felt like that when I was eight. Its hard being a single parent I would imagine, I would hope that I never have to go through that. Then again the thought of kids in a world like this does nothing but make me ashamed to want to be a father. I see how hard it is for my mom and J’s parents to support them, I cant see myself coming close or even doing as good of a job as they did with us.
“Yeah that’s fine,” eric replied. “You can just sleep in the basement.”
We hopped in sophies car and made a dash to their place. We were all tired and just wanted to crash so we said our good nights.
Eric showed me to the basement where I was sleeping and handed me a blanket and some pillows.
“If you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night its just out the door, down the hall and second door on the left.”
“Word. Good night man, thanks for letting me stay.”
“Aw no problem bro. Anything for a future superstar. Ill be able to tell my kids about this someday.”
We both laughed and said good night and he made his way into the darkness. I shut the door behind him not wanting to interupt anyone in the morning if they came down. I was happy to be left with my thoughts for the night. A lot went on and I didn’t have much time to myself to think about it. I got out my ipod to listen to some music as I fell asleep. I put it on my feel good play list and thought about all the things that impacted my heart today. I knew it would be monumental but I never thought id meet someone like her today. For some reason when I closed my eyes the vision of soph holding her heart was stitched in my mind. I wonder if at this moment if she was thinking of me too.
“Nah, she’s way to high.” I giggled to myself. chances are she went to sleep smiling. For her sake, I wanted to do the same. I put one on and held my heart.






I didn’t expect to sleep long at eric and soph’s because I didn’t want to have my mom worried all day. I also didn’t expect to get up with the sun. Not knowing where I really was I knew that a bus route had to be close considering that’s where I met eric. I checked my cell phone and it was 6:43 AM. Not knowing when the nearest bus would even be coming from I decided to waste some time and do a wake n bake.

I made my way out of the room in the basement with my backpack in hand. I threw my ipod on the charger and left it in the room downstairs for my bus ride later. I wish I couldve done the same with my cell but I didn’t know id be staying out all night. I remember where eric said the bathroom was and went in there to take a leak and to wash my face. Something about waking up early always made me feel as if the day was going to be long but fulfilling. Had to get home first though. I didn’t want to blaze inside of their home so I went upstairs and tried to find my way to the backyard.
It was dark when we got in so I wasn’t able to notice but soph and eric were quite the wealthy pair. I didn’t see much of it in their basement but when I made my way up the long spiral staircase the sunlight creeping into the windows all around really let you take in how big their place really was. I looked around and listened to the silence.
“man I need to get me one of these.” I don’t know what their parents did for a living but they were well off. They were happy. The complete opposite of what I think my family was going through. I didn’t want the size of their home to change my judgment of the good people that they were so I kept on with my mission to find the backyard.
I saw the kitchen in the corner of my eye and decided to help myself to a glass of water. just to my luck there happened to be a patio door 20 feet from the fridge with the water machine on it. I clinched on to my bookbag and got my glass of water and walked towards the door. when I walked outside I looked to the left and saw soph sitting there sipping on some tea. She had her music in her ears so I don’t think she heard me coming. her back was towards me. She was facing the mountains with the sun coming up to her back.
I walked up and tapped her on the shoulder.
“You’re gonna miss the sunrise.” I felt bad for interrupting her but it would have been completely awkward if I didn’t say a thing.
“HOLY SHIT.”
“You scared the hell out of me miles. You really know how to keep a girl on her toes huh! What are you doing up this early?“ she asked.
“I always try to catch the sunrise,” I told her. “youre doing it wrong though, like I said. Your back is to the sun.”
She laughed and told me that she knows but likes the way the sunlight comes off of all of the trees and the snow on top of the mountains.
“Do you mind if I join you for a while?”
“Youre already here,” she jokingly replied. “sit down.”
I took a seat on the edge of the patio with soph and put down my backpack and water. She took her ear dud out and paused her ipod.
“Do you mind if I roll something up,” I asked.
“jeez do you and my brother ever stop smoking,” she replied. “go right ahead my dad doesn’t care he knows my bro does it so I got your back buddy.”
I dug up a pack of zig zags I found buried in my bag and got out my grinder. I had just enough banana kush left to roll a pinner.
“So tell me about yourself Miles.”
“What would you like to know? didn’t you get a good glimpse of me last night?” Not trying to sound cocky I looked up and soph and smiled. I think she got what I meant by saying that cause on stage I was 100 percent real and not many people have ever seen that side of me.
“yeah I saw you up there but that cant be you.” “im looking at you right now and I can tell how quiet you are. No offense but when you step on stage those walls come down and you allow the crowd to come inside and get to know you for a bit. but off the stage your so quiet. Its weird.”
“yeah, I get that often the whole you need to speak up thing. Im too busy thinking to myself to ever notice whats really going on around me I guess.”
“Well what are you thinking about right now,” soph asked.
I told her how amazing I thought the sun was. how it lights up the whole world at different times. I asked her where she thinks we’d be without it. The world would be a darker place I told her. Darker than it is because people wouldn’t have anything to guide them day after day.
“People like you and me,” I told her.
I lit up the joint I had rolled and politely asked soph if she wanted to start her day off right.
She looked around to make sure no one was peeking around any corner and took a hit.
“Im impressed.” “I can tell you don’t smoke much but everytime I seem to light one up your down eh?”
“what can I say miles? You got some bomb ass chronic.”
I laughed, took my hit and told her “the best in town.”
“do you know what time the bus comes around here. I gotta get home”
“Miles you don’t have to take the bus, You give me your address and ill take you home after we finish smoking how does that sound?”
“are you sure you don’t mind? I hate to impose.”
“I got you here, ill get you home.” she smiled and replied. “Ill just have to tell my dad, you don’t mind meeting him do you?
Don’t worry ill let him know you’re a friend of eric’s considering he wont be awake anytime soon.”
That all sounds good to me. We continued to smoke the rest of the joint and got to know each other.
“alright are you ready to go?”
Yeah I just have to go grab my ipod from downstairs, can I meet you in the kitchen since that’s the only place I can find in this mansion.
Soph chuckled and you could tell she felt modest. I got up first and offered her my hand. She gave me that look that she gave me at the show and I couldn’t help but tell her how amazing her eyes were.
The only thing that can compare with the beauty in the sky right now is the look in your eyes. I think I could get lost in them.

This is were I am

(:

Makin momma proud

So I decided to adapt this new philosophy. Every morning I wake up I ask myself this question: "How can I make my mom proud today?"
Even though I moved out I dont see my mom on a regular basis anymore, i find her not being in my business as much uplifting lol but as a child you always have this extra mentality in your mind to make your parents happy. to make them proud.
Well Whenever I do see my mom she asks me how things are to catch up and what not and i completely blow her off giving her the cold shoulder not wanting her in my business for the sole purpose of im gathering up all the things that will someday make her proud and just plan to randomly lay it on her one day. Sometimes I find myself to be overwhelmed but I just think, "moms would be proud," and that gives me the extra gear i need to keep it moving and for right now its working. Imma milk it for as long as I can.

But to the point; What I did today to make mom proud was designed a shirt that I will be selling to all of my happy fans. Moms would be SO proud. I have a show on saturday were i plan to debut a shirt of this magnitude maybe afterwards ill get it framed so she can hang it up..

Just doin what I gotta do to make momma proud.

:-)

i love hip hop

Sometimes at night somethings gets through the cracks but every morning i wake up and start a playlist were I left it off it just takes away all the emptiness a person would feel over night.

Not even saying im sad or close to depressed, you just think about things when your alone. Last night i found myself yelling at God through prayer and i dont know it just felt like he stopped listening. But I know I know he never does.

Which is why im glad he gave me this music. (:


Vegas is soon! Every year Steve and I will go off and do something completely random and bad ass. This year its Vegas haha. So Im ready to see what we can do, what type of fun will be had but more importantly im excited for the drive haha its gonna be nuts.

We rented a car (unlimited mileage thank god) and on the way home we are gonna go through AZ and make a stop at four corners. haha its the child in me. psh

We got an atlas an we are gonna practice for bull run an shit hahahahah INSANE.


UP ON IT

There are way to many of us for anyone to ever have to feel alone..

I hate hearing about someone I know going thru some type of pain other than physical (not that that’s any better) because 9 times out of 10 that pain is cause by someone else or their actions. and being humans what we do is invest our time in others, in hope, in change, in things that would help move us forward instead of back.


But everytime something knocks us off our tracks;; ive spent so much time being down in the dumps that this whole “being happy” thing is new to me. In life at times you really don’t have a choice about your happiness and no matter how others may see it, feel how you think you should feel! if you break a nail and that s*** hurts but nobody believes you, they cant feel your pain. they don’t know what your going through. No one does but yourself.


Lets not let I Love You lose its meaning please. The meaning of I love you has defiantly changed from being 15 to 21. I still have the same general idea of what love is, where it comes from and all those type of questions and if anything with age you get a better understanding of what love is. When your 15 you cant provide for someone and providing for a person is a big part of what love is.

but when your 40 and your meeting someone and giving this whole love thing a chance you lose out on core things that the kids who feel “puppy love” have and you try and relive it through your new experience.

Basically what im trying to get at is that we all need to open our hearts a little more. Whether your 12 or 98 years old your capable of loving and someone is capable of loving you. so do yourself and everyone else around you a favor and find the person who is suppose to change your life.


That way the playing field can be narrowed down for the rest of us.

Go away sleep demons.

There was no better place to leave off than where I did. 8 months ago I was so ready to get moving on things I had to cut ties with the blog for a few cause I knew how things may pick up and with that being said ill fill ya in on what’s been going on!

First and foremost the music!

okay, so its pretty simple to do you just have to have an understanding of MIDI to get your music onto itunes but I did it! and it was the most refreshing feeling ever to be sitting in a database next to people I idolized. I mean I’m doing what they are doing from the comfort of my own home and people are getting to hear my music. I’m so excited that I finally have a good collection of five tracks that I can throw together so people can see what I am working on before my album comes out. I don’t have many fans but I know my loyal three to four hundred or so will appreciate the music we are making. My EP is entitled Backpackers Delight and if you look up that’s some snazzy album art reverb nation help me design. The tracks on the EP are stuff that I have written on my hiatus; one even being written as late as yesterday but I’m doing what I can to make the moves to get into the studio. IE, editing, singing in front the mirror and shower. ha-ha you feel me. but the track listings are

1. Fight on Feat. J lyrikal ß The iTunes single!
2. Up on it Feat. Steez (see below)
3. Puffin on da Truth
4. Hip Hop Pages
5. Goodbye to Yesterday

The first three are all tracks that can be already heard on my myspace page. (if you don’t know the link its www.myspace.com/dcanrush ADD ME! I still be on my myspace game yo. Facebook is dope but myspace CHANGED music!!!)

anyway all those will be available for download for 99 cents as soon as I get them all recorded and bunched together. I will tell you right now though “Goodbye to Yesterday” is a track that the ‘fellas’ may not feel. its not me selling out one bit. its just my heart letting go of someone I never thought would be gone. With that being said, along the way I started making some tunes with a long time friend of mine name Ryan. we met back when I was a freshmen and he was in like 7th grade. (I got punched in the face at his house in his basement at a party lol A WHOLE NOTHER STORY YO) I didn’t know he spit one bit but as soon as I heard him behind the mic I was a fan. the first time in the studio he remixed puffin on da truth and from then on we’ve been doing the thang lol.

We have been making so much music together we got the idea to start a duo but are still in that whole “name choosing” process but no need to fear its not stopping us from making music at all. Speaking of which he sent me two beats I gotta write to when I wake up!

I have been networking so much with steez we are going to have a debut mix tape with like 20 tracks on it that you can pick up for free with appearances from people like J lyrikal, Rossy T, Mr. E, its suppose to be action packed and HEART felt.

The latter three, Steez and I all had a show on New years eve and it was so f***** LIVE! lol I don’t care if any haters were in the building cause they was not bringing me down! you can check out a video of it on my you tube page if you’d like. just search backpackboyENT but on the real that’s what we are trying to get into next. SHOWS SHOWS AND MORE SHOWS ha-ha.

Exposure is what its all about from this point on. I want to create a buzz for my album and get people excited cause it will get me excited to want to do it and ultimately that’s why I’m here. J



Loooooove Life

hmm where to start. I just am so ready for this fresh start that I was blessed with. I feel as if nothing can go wrong when it comes to females and I know I’m not susceptible to pain I just have a better understanding knowing that the things I look for in people, they aren’t quite looking for those things yet but that’s not gonna change my goals or “purpose”. I am here for love and for someone to love me; I’m just ahead of my time because that love has yet to come into my life but when it does, believe ill play it hot and cold ;). who knows maybe ill get to mingle with Selena Gomez or kristen stewert or that blonde from couples retreat in three years or so but for now ill just love this music.

but the one thing I do miss about being in love, knowing love, feeling love. is life isn’t worth really living when your without it. your passions aren’t your passions when your without love and what sucks is we put so much of our abilities on another person that when that goes crashing down it affects all that is around us.. including the art we try to put together. but with pain comes beautiful music

GOODBYE TO YESTERDAY lol (sorry Backpackers Delight EP plug ;) ha-ha )

Moving on..

The book!

like I said I had to take a break from things with taking on school and writing the ep, mix tape and album I also had to put the book on hold as well. I got a couple more chapters done ill probably post them later on when I add some bulkiness to em but for right now its going so well and I know where I want to take it. I have so many ideas from so much personal experience I can slowly see Miles forming into himself. if only I had someone to type it all for me.. Tear.


The sleep demons are approaching rapidly so I must go for now but bes believe ill be back and better than ever. (: I love you and I love life.


spread peace and you will receive peace
spread love and you will receive love.

Don’t forget to smile & dream

Allow me to introduce you to Mr. J LyriKaL

First of all. whenever you see the name decan rush mentioned know that it comes attached to J. What I mean by that is. I wont be on a chart or anyones top five if he aint right there on it too. So especially when you hear me say Decan Rush is doin this this is and this. He's only doin it cause J lyrikal is the one pushin him to do it. J is the truth. He speaks with the heart of a warrior, and the soul of a slave. Every track he touches to me could be a number one hit and the world has just been waitin for him to come out. Mark my words. Good music comin. GET HIS ALBUM Late 09 - EARLY 10 IM TELLIN YOU. you wont be let down.